Do you want to know what a happy and love-filled relationship really looks like? Well, these are the 8 most essential healthy relationship qualities that every successful relationship cannot survive without.
If you were to tell me ten years ago that I would have the happy, healthy relationship that I have today, I definitely would not have believed you. It would have been too good to be true. But here I am, two-and-a-half years in and I have never felt more loved in my entire life.
But the best part is that through this relationship, I learned the most important healthy relationship qualities that are essential if you want to have a love-filled relationship.
And I want to share these qualities with you so that, hopefully, one day, you can find your version of the best relationship ever too.
Today, we’re talking all about healthy relationship qualities.
The Most Important Healthy Relationship Qualities
1. Boundaries
Boundaries are arguably the most important quality of a healthy relationship and something every healthy relationship cannot live without.
For many people, setting boundaries is scary, and rightly so. If you’re like me, you grew up being taught that setting boundaries means you don’t truly love someone or that you are willing to hurt those you love.
But, in fact, the opposite is true. Setting boundaries allows you to love the others in your life while also loving and respecting yourself.
When you set boundaries in your relationship, you are communicating to your partner what you need from your relationship and what makes you feel comfortable or uncomfortable, happy or unhappy, safe or unsafe.
When boundaries are communicated and respected, you and your partner become free to love each other. You realize how to ensure your own emotional and physical health while protecting the emotional and physical health of your partner as well.
I grew up around many relationships that did not have healthy boundaries and what did I notice? One person, if not both people in the relationship, were not happy. And half the time, they only stayed together because they had kids.
But I knew that I didn’t want this for myself. I wanted to have a relationship that truly made me feel loved. And I can easily say I have this type of relationship with my boyfriend because of the boundaries that we set very early on and continue to work to respect each day.
2. Patience
I don’t think – actually, I know that my relationship would not have lasted this long if there was no patience in the midst of it. I have what some would call a smart-mouth and my boyfriend…well sometimes he is the annoying brother that no one ever asks for.
Patience is the healthy relationship quality that allows us to realize that we both have faults that we are working through. Both of us are growing and changing into our best versions as a team and as individuals.
But change takes time. And when there is patience in a relationship, each person has the time they need to become better without the impossible pressure of being perfect from the very beginning.
If you want a happy relationship with your partner, then give them patience. They will not always get it right the first, second, or even third time. But if they truly love you, they will keep working and eventually get to the point where they need to be for your relationship.
Now, if they are not actively working to change, that’s a completely different story. But if you see them putting in the effort to become a better person, then give them some time. You can also see how you can support them along their journey.
And the same advice goes for you. You deserve patience and support from your partner as well.
If you want the love found in healthy relationships, then you need to ensure that there is patience.
3. Kindness
Maybe this should go without saying, but all healthy relationships are filled with kindness. But kindness in a relationship is more than just not saying mean things to one another.
Kindness in a relationship is learning to truly love your partner the way that they need to be loved. One of the best ways that you can do this is by learning your partner’s love language. This allows you learn how to best give and receive love and kindness in your relationship.
For example, if your partners love language is quality time, then the kindest thing you can do for them is to make sure that you set aside time for just the two of you to grow and enjoy each other’s presence. And if your love language is words of affirmation, then you probably think it’s so much more kind when your partner tells you that you are beautiful versus if they gave you a gift.
We all receive and give love in different ways. The kindest thing that you can do for one another is learning to communicate in each other’s love languages.
If you want to find out your love language, you can check out this free Five-Love Languages Quiz.
4. Sacrifice
Every healthy relationship has sacrifice. But before I scare you off, know that sacrifice in a relationship does not mean that you cannot or should not take care of yourself and your personal needs.
In a relationship, sacrifice means that you cannot have it your way all the time. You and your partner need to be able to compromise.
Sometimes this is as small as compromising on when to have a date night. For example, in my relationship, I usually like having date night on Friday as a reward for a hard week. But, if my boyfriend wants to go out with his friends on Friday and push date night to Saturday, then I have to sacrifice a little so that he gets the guy-time he needs.
But sometimes, sacrifices can be a little bigger, like when you have to compromise on where to spend the holidays. No one ever wants to tell their mom no to coming home on Thanksgiving, but it’s either that or Christmas.
However, while sacrifice is essential to any relationship, you have to be sure that what is being sacrificed is not a healthy boundary that was placed. If you start sacrificing boundaries in your relationship, then your relationship will easily become unhealthy and unhappy.
So be willing to compromise, but also be clear on what you should and should not compromise on.
5. Slow to Anger
This is probably one of my favorite things about my boyfriend – it takes a lot to make him angry. And that makes me feel safe when I make a mistake.
I grew up around a lot of anger and angry relationships. If one thing went wrong, everything was wrong. There was so much fighting and yelling and unhappiness over both big and small things.
So imagine my surprise when, after my first big mistake in my relationship, instead of being yelled at and told that I was “stupid” for my actions, I was simply hugged. I was hugged and told that I was still perfect in his eyes. Even though what I did was wrong, and we both acknowledged this, I was still worthy of love and respect.
Being slow to anger goes hand-in-hand with having patience. Relationships that are slow to anger are filled with the safety that is needed to mess up and grow.
Alongside this, relationships that are slow to anger have an avenue for healthy communication. There is no worry that saying the wrong thing or saying something the wrong way will set you or your partner off. So you can clearly communicate your boundaries and needs as well as your love for one another.
6. Forgiveness
If you want a healthy relationship, then you need to learn how to forgive for two main reasons.
The first reason is one that Hannah Montana put best – nobody’s perfect.
But all jokes aside, everyone, including you, is broken in some way. We all battle with something and need grace as we struggle through, especially in relationships.
You and your partner will mess up. It’s inevitable. And if your relationship does not have forgiveness, then you and your partner will never make it past even your first mess up.
The second reason healthy relationships need forgiveness is to be able to work towards a future. Without forgiveness, unhealthy relationships are stuck in the past and cannot focus on their future.
Now, I’m not saying to simply let things slide, especially if abuse and manipulation are involved. If your partner does hurt you or crosses a boundary in some way, communicate this and find a way to keep the same situation from happening again. But if you are both actively working to ensure that you’re fixing your mistakes, then don’t hold the past against each other as a weapon.
Learn to put forgiveness in your relationship so you can grow and move forward both as individuals and as a team.
7. Trust
No relationship will ever survive and be enjoyable without trust, and namely trust that you and your partner will respect each other’s boundaries.
I can genuinely say that I trust my boyfriend because he actively works to protect my boundaries, and I know that he can say the same about me.
And that trust isn’t manipulated or a “right” just because we’re in a relationship.
Instead, that trust comes from us actively working each day to be as trustworthy as we can so that we feel safe to freely and comfortably trust each other.
8. Hope
One of my favorite quotes about love is 1 Corinthians 13: 7-8 –
“[Love] always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
If you want a love that will not fail, then you need to have hope. Hope that your relationship will last. Hope that you and your partner can get over struggles and challenges together. Hope that the two of you can truly grow together and learn to love each other more and more every day.
A hopeless relationship is, for lack of a better word, pointless. It’s like going to school for physics when you know that, in the end, you are going to teach English. What’s the point of putting in all that time and effort?
Hope is something that all healthy relationships have that keeps them moving forward in good days and the bad. If you want to make sure that your relationship has all the essential characteristics of a healthy relationship, then you need to make sure that your relationship has hope.
Honestly, this is probably one of my favorite blog posts so far. Not only have I gotten to share the joy that I get from my healthy relationship with you, but hopefully I have also been able to help you realize the most important healthy relationship qualities that you need to make sure your relationship has if you want your relationship to be happy, successful and filled with love.
This post discussed healthy relationship qualities.
Until next time,
